A Newsfeed that's More Baby Ga Ga than Lady Gaga

Dear Cyber Sorter,
I’m in my late twenties, and it would appear it’s the start of a new era. The baby era. People are popping them out left, right and centre, and while I’m delighted for them and plan to join them at some stage, I’m not there yet.
Where I am is on Facebook, reading their tedious status updates. I would have thought it went without saying that one loves their offspring, so why do they feel the need to plaster it all over my feed (complete with love hearts)? I’m happy you’re happy, but stop shoving it down my throat. There are only so many “Mummy is so happy with her little darling who is the best baby in the world!” statements a person can handle.
Is there a polite way of getting this message across to my friends?
JL

Dear JL,
It is an awful pain when your friends get brainwashed by their babies. Almost anything is easier to stomach than hourly updates on nappy creams and winding.
It’s very hard not to be irritated by anyone one knows falling desperately and blindly in love with anyone other than oneself, be it a boyfriend, girlfriend or a baby. They become myopic, one-topic beings, with none of the wit, flair or interest in your life – or indeed the outside world – that they had before their brains were hormonally charged up and let loose on Facebook
It sounds as if it’s not just the dull, gurgle gurgle goo content of the updates that is bothering you but perhaps the niggling worry that, if all your friends are in this zone, you should be too.
You simply cannot say anything about how annoying this is, even in the mildest tone, to your new Mummy and Daddy friends without mortally offending them. As far as they are concerned you should be riveted to every burp and nappy update, as this is the most fascinating and important topic in the history of the world.
So, do yourself a favour and hide their updates from after the first photos of the newborn until between six months to one year old. Send these friends the odd message and email to stay in touch instead, beginning in the following manner:
“Dear New Mummy Friend, Glad you and the baby are doing well. You might not have seen this amazing article (link to the article) about how smoking is back in fashion! What do you think?”
This healthy form of normal adult interaction will almost definitely come as a breath of fresh air to New Mummy who, though currently enamoured of her darling infant, is also suffering from a horrifying form of mental malaise and mild isolation. This way you can be the brilliant friend who allows her to still be herself and have access to the grown-up world, and your newsfeed goes back to being more Lady Gaga than baby ga ga.